Half your age is five. Add seven to that, so you can date a year-old -- an older woman"? There is so much a year-old can teach a year-old -- advanced coloring, advanced texting, and so many other important life skills. Then you get a little older. You're 20 years old and, under this rule, you can date a year-old. There you are in college, and you get to go back to high school again to find a girlfriend. When you're 25, you can date a and-a-half-year-old.
So there you are in the working world for the last three years, and now you can date sophomores in college. You can go back to attending frat parties and having people throw up on you.
Older men often date younger women, but everyone can benefit when the age gap is reversed
When you're 30, you can date a year-old. That's exactly where you want to be. You have been out in the business world for eight years, and you want to be dating a girl fresh out of college? Do you really want to date someone who hasn't actually had a real job yet and is still going out and drinking like a college student?
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When you're 35, you can date a and-a-half-year-old woman. Now you're dating someone 11 years younger than you. Your friends are going to be really impressed that you can date a younger woman. When you're 40, you can date a woman who is 27 years old. So now she seems like an older woman, at least. She's been around the block a bit, but she's still not a luscious, incredible woman over the age of 30 yet.
Under this formula, you can't even date a woman over the age of 30 until you have hit MANY older guys marry younger girls. Always been that way. The Chazon Ish or perhaps it was the Steipler said they should though be within 10 years of each others age, as a general rule. If the girl and guy are okay with it, who cares? How about the undersigned Gedolim and last but not least Hashem. Marrying a girl similar in age isnt one of the clearly stipulated , but is a definite help towards easing the Crisis.
Shouldnt the Shadchanim first attempt to suggest girls closer in age? They then wont have to resort to dating much younger girls. Three of the couples are married over 20 years and there are 3 who were married in the last few years. If I put my mind to it, I can come up with more couples I know with that age gap….. So if the Shidduch is. Dunno, in rare cases a big age gap works. Dont bring the chazon ish or even the steipler into this.
I realize that fate has put you in a disadvantage in the shidduch world, but you have allowed your emotions to completely devour your rational thought. I am always amazed how people want black and white, one-size-fits-all answers for everything. Obviously it depends on the couple. The reason older men frequently marry younger women is because they have chiyuv to have children whether or not they already have some it is still a mitzvah. But if the guy is a few years older and it works, good for them.
When you are talking about older men and older women it is not an issue. I know of these glick shidduchim who made it as far as 3 weeks before the wedding when both parties realized they had nothing in common and called it off. So we can all pull something out of our memories whether it worked on not, but it is not a good idea to begin with. What about for older singles. How do they feel about it? It seems to me that with the shidduch crisis and the difficulty in finding guys to date that women should be more open about age gaps.
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How young can I guy date? There is supposed to be a the rule of thumb. It goes like this. A guy can date a girl half his age plus 7; so an 22 year old can date a 19 year old, a 28 year old can date a 21 year old and a 36 year old can date a 25 year old. Nothing wrong with it.
I know many, many couples 10 plus years apart and happily married. My parents are 10 years apart. My brother and his wife are also 10 years apart. My husband is 7 years older then me. Actually I find the older boys to be more established and settled. All I hear is Shadchanim are overworked underpaid and under appreciated. Do you want to know how I feel about that? If you cant handle the heat, get outta the kitchen! A more important question: A man who marries a woman 15 years younger than he is will leave her a widow for at least 20 years.
And, if they have children, most likely she will be left with the youngest one or two to marry off. Especially the ones who mistreated me or my children! I hate them, hate them, hate them! Im sure there are those who hate me… What can I say?!? Now, please take out your magic wand, Sac. Now, how would you suggest singles in the frum community meet, starting today?
Midwest2 — Another angle: But if you want to ever have a woman who truly desires you and has a deep emotional connection for the long-term, you need more than that. It all comes down to what one brings to the table. The man brings safety, stability, security and ability to provide for the children and the woman brings youth, beauty and sex.
Then once you provide the security the other things such as your good looks, good sex, help with cleaning etc. Women can put up with the lack of bonuses if security is there but not the other way around. These last two comments are very misleading in my experience. And are also phrased in a vrey one-sided way. Greed is a common human trait, which is easily participated in by both men and women. Happiness is a much more universal goal, and there are many more ways that people persue it than a search for stability, influenced by biology. After a certain point the goal of just heaping up more and more wealth only interests those with a certain mindset.
Yes, we all want stability, and to not stress over being able to afford things that we want, or want to provide for our children, like a good education. Then whether you are a decent human being, passionate about something, and able to care for others becomes everything. There are billionaires who will go bankrupt this year. His wife is a 10 by ANY standards. He will still be one of the most open, genuine and passionate people I have ever known. And it is clear why his wife loves him.
Wealth is not stability! If you think it is you are just kidding yourself. Actually most crime and murder is committed by the poor mostly amongst each other and the fastest way to help the needy is by not being one of them. I dated recently with 22 year old girl — at first it was lots of fun, but after a couple of dates I got bored. I generally find women women in their mid-to-upper twenties the most attractive, too. Hey Nick, I am from India can you suggest some tips how to attract any women or seduce any women in Indian circumstances?
Thanks Nick, This is a great article. It is one of the things that I have struggled with. I am 43 and make the most connections with women that are Women my age would look at me with disdain, I even had one woman my age spread a bunch of rumors about me regarding this female. This deeply hurt me and I wondered if there was something wrong with me.
This article got me to remember all my anthropology classes and this makes perfect sense. Women my age are kind of boring to me. I like to dance, love new music, technology etc. Sitting at home and watching TV are just not an option for me. I just feel I have more in common with younger women. Its not just a physical attraction thing. I am not going to worry about it anymore. I like what I like and if she is consenting, like you indicated. Who really cares what anyone thinks, as long as we are happy in our relationship.
There is nothing wrong with finding a something woman attractive. If you read Daring Greatly you will see that we all have our vulnerabilities. For women seeing an older established man with a younger woman has the ability to make many women very insecure. I have a great friend who is a 24 year old smoking hot girl. Thanks Mark for the encouragement. I really never thought of it that way. I am going to pick up that book and read it. That the more vulnerable I am the more connections I make, when I act like everything is perfect or start to brag about my career etc..
I am in recovery and was talking openly about it to a younger woman at a retail store about, I got the feeling she was into me, but my insecurity about younger women and what people would think caused me to overlook getting her number. I am going to stop judging what they may be looking for and just take some risk. What is life without risk….. For all of you older guys out there that date and hook up with younger women, do you ever sometimes get women your own age hating on you, taking shots at you for dating younger women?
Its not just women our own age who are bothered. When I was 44 I had a 27 year old girlfriend who would get upset that the girl I dated before her was The girl I dated after the 27 year old was 41 and she was just jealous of all other women regardless of their age. To be happy we all have to live the life we have, not the life we want. Nature gifts young women with the power of a sex appeal that peaks early and falls off more quickly. Nature gifts men with a long low curve.
The 41 year old I dated was one of the most beautiful women I have known. She took great care of herself, and she won the genetic lottery by being tall, and having a beautiful face. The truth is we all get handed a life that comes with strengths and challenges. These saying all describe a truth. I say enjoy being a guy, be genuine and honest with others. But most importantly be honest with yourself. Ignore haters, they are always there to bring you down. But where are they when you are down and need to be cheered up? I think he knew they were just jealous of us being together. My husband is 22 years older than me.
We met when I was 19 and he was I just turned When we first started dating, women his age were really rude to me.
I never imagined marrying an older man or even dating one , but we were attracted to one another and it works for us. And to be honest, when I was 19 into my30s, women would snarl at me, make remarks or rumors, because men flocked me to me or gave me consideration. They still do, but to a lesser degree. It will always happen with you because I would imagine that you are beautiful and made a life with a man who appreciates you.
Because I met a guy recently who told me he did not get his very first girlfriend until the age of 31, despite being happy that he finally has a girlfriend, he told me he still gets jealous, envious of guys, men that had girlfriends earlier in their life. The men I met in my age group at that time could not keep a date, had dozens of girlfriends, stood me up if they had something more interesting to do and so on.
I had many boyfriends, but my steady guy wound up being a man 10 years my senior. He showed up when he said he would, opened the door, treated me with respect and made me feel relaxed and comfortable. He was also funny, smart, kind and loving. Obviously if a man is interested in having children he would want a woman of a suitable age.
What You Must Know Before Dating an Older Man | PairedLife
And obviously if a woman is interested in having a child she would want a man of suitable means. All the rest is whatever makes you happy. This business about what is socially acceptable or not is a bunch of baloney. There are all types of couples out there of all ages and appearances. When I see couples who are happy together I am glad for them, regardless of their age, race, income or any such thing.
Good for them if they are happy together. I found the comments and the article interesting however I have a tiny consideration which is missing. People love who they love and should be open to the unexplored possibilities. Check out divorce rates — they are highest amongst the very poor, the very rich and those marriages with the largest age gap.
Women who date older men trade in youth for success fair enough. Men who date much younger women trade beauty for brains and experience fair enough but most of these marriages do not last. AND guys please consider this. Women know aging can be tough but we want you to look great too! If you dated black date white if you dated asian date latino what ever there are many good looking people in the world who are also smart and loving who you would get along just fine with TAKE A CHANCE: Remember love is fragile — like friendship and people love is magical.
The next time you are at a gala, the farmers market, a restaurant, the supermarket, the opera, the dentist: He is extremely smart, somewhat nerdy but great to be around, dates much, much younger women and seems really happy. He seems to really attract very young Asian women, and cycles through them so fast that I sometimes get their names confused. Say in the age range They seem happy and he seems happy and they sure are sexy and fun to look at — I try not to ogle around my wife but still — and certainly very nice.
Really want to leave him,because i get tired of having to look at his old ugly face and body,but the money is still here,also tired of having to pretending to love him. I have to admit that i have always been way more attracted by older guys. My first boyfriend was 6 years older than me Which is for that age okay I think. Since we broke up I had enough time to travel, explore and meet new people. I look pretty mature for my age and am very outgoing and just a light hearted girl and never had any Problems to get to know people better.
However it is always me approaching men no matter the age. Currently I am 21 and dating a 48 year old. We are not together because of his money or my youth but it is honestly the best thing that has ever happened to me. We can Talk for hours, he is very spontaneous, open minded and makes me feel secure and Loved. He still thinks i am perfect. Guys my age told me to lose weight or get my tits done and so on. I just love being with him and enjoy every moment of it. We know each other for about 5 years and have always been friends.
Turned out he felt the Same but was just too shy because of the huge age gap. As my username suggests? I should just stand up for myself, and tell them to keep their opinion to themselves.
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It makes me laugh. Which one are you? I have stopped listening to what my friends and family think of age-old relationships. Even if they ended up disowning me. Enough said for now. Older men are so full of themselves, offering unasked advice, trying to impress you instead of being fun, trying to change you, causing me and a lot of my friends just stop dating men who are more then 2 years older. Personally I started dating only younger guys 2 years ago and probably will never date an older guy again. Also we have the same reasons to date a younger guy as you have to date a younger woman.
Younger guys are better looking, less bitter, more stamina and generally more fun. Also the ignorance of younger guys is sooo damn cute, it makes them more lovable. Yes that is their inmaturity that is. I have a masters degree as almost all of my girlfriends and I work at the financing side of property development, even then older guys look down on me. Until the moment I tell what I make a year and then they get resentful. I own my house, a nice car etc. I just want a fun guy who can keep up with me, in bed, clubbing or traveling. So yes my current boyfriend is 5 years younger then me 19 and yes we are equal.
As simple as that. I keep myself in good shape, have a full head of blond hair, drive a Jaguar convertible, own a small business, my home and know how to cook a nice dinner, what candles are for and Sinatra on in the other room. I get told all the time that I look 20 years younger than I am.
As for my preference for a younger woman, I also am a swirler. I, I, I, tends to bore her unless she asks about me. Still, keep it short. Sinatra sang a song that tells the story of my life and makes me feel a twinge of sadness. I usual date guys around my age bracket. This is all just my opinion. Meaning if women liked younger men. I am 55 and really like younger women — like I do fancy women my own age too and everything inbetween but if I was given the choice it would be a young one every time. My sense of style has improved, because my years of chasing children are complete though I can still reproduce — my focus is more on me than on anybody else.
Women flip out about younger women, because people are competitive and they know the best males will go for the younger, healthier, more attractive mates. Hypocritically, the best females all flock to the best male mates—which are almost all alphas. So hearing the preaching from the old bags is doubly annoying and naive. So Nick, while I appreciate how candid you were in this article, I call BS on your comments about your personal preference. Some women grow into their looks as well and go from cute to more stunning and feminine.
As I am not preoccupied with reproducing and seek sexual and emotional intimacy as a means of truly sharing, I think this makes me and others like me more appealling. The 42 year old was one of my favorites. She was elegant, witty, acomplished, very sexual and drop dead gorgeous. We dated for almost a year. What you see in magazines? What your church tells you to look for? Not the ytpe they would actually choose to date.
I always lusted after the bikini model looking women. I needed to experience all there was to experience so I could choose. I still find a fitness model the most beautiful to look at. But as for someone I want to date, the softer more feminine body is a more desirable all around choice for me. This same principal goes for personality, age, maturity level, intelligence, etc. Only people making either experienced or inexperienced choices. This is such a well written, insightful, and honest piece. Men should not be shamed for their natural desire to be with women much younger than themselves.
I am often saddened when I watch my forty-something single female friends attempt to date. They have such a difficult time accepting that their window of attractiveness ended ten years ago and that they are wasting their time trying to find a partner. However, I think once women learn to accept and live with this, and use their later years to focus on careers, hobbies, philanthropy, and the many aspects of life which are just as fulfilling as romantic relationships, the over forty female race will find themselves much happier.
Older men who want younger women are not creeps. They are normal, and women just need to get over it!! I lift weights,swim,hike,love to swim at the beach……. I agree, for some couples, age really is just a number. If you have chemistry, you have chemistry end of.